Couch movingI’m moving in a couple of months and I have to be honest: not a day goes by that I don’t question the adequacy of my old couch. It’s been with me since college. It’s supported a lot of weight over the years. It’s become a staple in my apartment. And who knows what kind of treasure is buried beneath its cushioned soul. But that doesn’t seem to matter to my girlfriend.

She wants it gone. She wants to chuck my couch into the streets like a bum might flick a cigarette into the wind. She really hates that thing. Here are her reasons:

1. “It doesn’t go with the style of our new place.” Personally, I disagree. After all, it’s a black couch! Black goes with everything! Sure it might be a little worn: the leather might be cracking on the right side and the back leg wobbles, but c’mon, it’s a black couch.

Anyway she says it’s too beat up for the chic residents we’re about to occupy. She says that nothing screams “tacky!” more than immaculate stainless steel directly across from leather worn paper thin after years of use and abuse.

Maybe she’s right.

2. “It smells.”

Yeah – like wonderful memories! At least to me it does...

My girlfriend, on the other hand, say it smells disgusting. Disgusting. She actually used that word. “Like open beer left out in the sun for days,” she says, “mixed in with damp sneakers.”

Her words hurt – sure they do. I guess she just can’t make out character when she sees it.

 3. “It’s not going to fit anyway.”

She might have me here. Alas, the apartment we chose just isn’t going to accommodate this ol’ boys 9’ by 4’ frame.

Talk about your bad days.

Maybe I’ll put him in storage?

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